( 5 min. read)
Hey Loves! Happy Wednesday! Since this is my first “Wednesdays with Nea” post, I figured I would take a brief moment to explain why I chose Wednesday. Well, simply put, Wednesdays are the mid week mark. We all usually need a refresher from church on Sunday, as well as a boost to finish the week strong. I think that is why many churches choose Wednesdays for bible study. So much goes on in our lives between Sunday and Wednesday, that I wanted to give all of my readers a place to come for a “pick me up.” My hope is that you will look forward to receiving a weekly word from me. Whether it is applicable to you or not, stick around for the prayer at the end. We can all use someone to pray for us! All of this being said, grab some coffee, and something to take notes. Happy reading!
This wednesday, our topic is disappointment. For lack of a better word, it SUCKS! Sorry guys and gals, but it is the one word that comes to mind that accurately describes how I feel about being disappointed. Trust me, I have had my fair share of having to feel disappointed by someone or something. It kind of feels like I am mourning a death. We all know that death is permanent, as are most disappointments. Maybe you did not get the job you wanted, or passed the class you worked so hard on, or maybe the person you thought you would marry just left you to be with someone else. Each of these scenarios will create the dreaded feeling of being disappointed.
Now, let me say this. For me, all disappointments are not created equal. Let’s take school for instance. When I failed Nursing MedSurg level 3 by two points, I was devastated for an entire 24 hours. I mean, I was in a full fetal position, sobbing for hours. From there, I moved to anger. I proceeded through each of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief (if you are unfamiliar, you can read them here) during the months of May and June. By July, I had come to accept that graduation will now be in the spring of 2019, instead of fall 2018, and I turned my focus to annihilating MedSurg level 3. So far, I have been rocking this level! I think God allowed me to be held back in order to align with his timing. This is God’s time for me! I can feel it! It feels different from last semester, and I am different as well. This has been a happy switch up for me.
What happens when it is not so happy, though? When you cannot see or feel why God did not give you what you wanted so desperately? What do you do? Lets look at a different area of my life, i.e. relationships (insert exaggerated eye roll). I am not as gifted in dealing with disappointments in this area of my life. As a brief overview, the five stages of grief in the Kubler-Ross model are:
I have managed to repeat stages 1-4 for 4 years. Yep, you read that right. 4 YEARS! As of Saturday, I had not been able to move into acceptance, stage 5. There were plenty of times when I thought I had, then something would happen, and I’d revert right back to stage 1. This time, however, there was a shift. I always read my Bible, but Saturday, I had received yet another peace-destroying story about my son’s dad and his shenanigans. My first instinct was to get angry. I sat straight up in bed, and I was going to give him an entire inbox full of thoughts and colorful words (God is still working on me fam! lol!) Anyway, just as I went to pick up my phone, my Bible app sent me an alert that it was almost a new day, and I had not opened the app yet for the day. I paused from my text messaging tirade, and went into the app.
Once I did, in true God the Spirit fashion, there was Romans 8: 5-8 which says, “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (NKJV). What’s that God? Are you telling me that I am carnally minded? OMG! That was it! I had set my mind on the things of the flesh! I was not serving God. I was serving Janea, and doesn’t verse 6 say, “to be carnally minded is death?” What did I compare disappointment to in the second paragraph? Death! Can you believe it! The word of God had been right there in front of me all along. I have gone to two different therapists (both of whom I love, and do not think I would be here without them opening up the door), read countless self-help books, prayed, and fasted throughout these 4 years, and the answer was right on my nightstand the entire time. Don’t misunderstand me, I think all of those things were necessary to get me here, but it was the scenic route. I want you to have the shortcut.
We often put ourselves through turmoil trying to please the flesh. We pick out people we want to spend our lives with, and expect God to bless it. We do not consult him first. We have a tendency to bring the relationship to him when we feel like we are in danger of losing it, though. Why would He keep that person around for you if He never chose them in the first place? If anything, He will use their nonsense to move them out of the way, and finally get you where you belong. You cannot call yourself a believer in Christ, but be of a carnal mind. The Word says in verse 7, “because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.”
Once this clicked, I finally reached stage 5! Took me almost 5 years, but better late than never, right? I have learned to praise God more when He closes a door or does not answer a prayer. I learned that disappointment is a naturally occurring initial reaction, but you recover quickly when you live in the Spirit. You realize that God’s plans and timing are best regarding all aspects of life. Just as I have come to realize that I needed this extra semester in school, I have also realized that God has a different mate in mind for me. So what, I messed up and had a baby with the wrong mate. That baby is a gift, and is actually a pretty awesome one! Plus, it is like having a little piece of that other person. The parts you fell in love with just so happen to be wrapped up in a little person, and you forget about their negative side. Oh how favored I am! Some people never get to experience the abundance of God’s love, but I get to feel it daily. He saved me! He carried me out kicking and screaming, but He carried me. Think about the magnitude of that love. When He has called you to greater, but you will not use your legs to follow him, He will carry you! That’s the kind of love that you lay down your life for. I, for one, will never stop glorifying his name and professing all that he has brought me through.
Set your mind on the things of the Spirit. Trust that if God has said, “no,” He has something way better. Have faith that His word never returns void. It may take you years to see why God closed that door. I still do not know why, or why it had to hurt so badly. I will say this, though, I think refusing to let go prolonged the hurt, and made it cut a lot deeper. I stayed on that train, and skipped my destination multiple times, trying to go with him to his. The silver lining is that, I did it so you don’t have to. Had I gotten off at my correct stop the first time, you would not be able to relate to me.
I know it stings today, but not as bad as it will if you do not loose your mind from the flesh. One thing is for sure, you can count on the word of God. He paid a hefty price for you. I mean, He put his son through the brutal death of a crucifixion in order to save you! I don’t think He would do that, just so you can live a mediocre life. Thank God every day, but especially on the days He says, “no.” Those are the days that let you know just how much He loves you!
Let me pray for you:
I declare that the chains of disappointment are broken in this moment. I ask that every carnal mind be loosed from the flesh, and brought into alignment with your Spirit. Touch the lives of my readers, Lord. Help them to accept when you close doors. Bring them peace. Fill their hearts with expectancy. Your word says, “where there is no vision the people perish.” Show them a vision of what you have in store for them, should they choose to follow you. May their eyes be fixed on you. May their hands do your will. May their feet follow the path you have set before them. If their mind just won’t allow them to follow, carry them, Lord. I ask all of these things in your son Jesus’ name. Amen.
xoxo my love