Girl Code: Dating Advice Edition

(5 min. read)

Hey loves! It’s late, and I’m up writing because I cannot go to sleep with this on my mind. I am just going to jump in and say,(insert little blue emolji that’s yelling): IT IS OKAY TO LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS WHEN IT COMES TO DATING!

I am literally sick and tired of experiencing, and witnessing, situations where women do not trust their friends’ judgement. Listen, I am well aware that not all advice is created equally, but we have to get away from ignoring our friends. I am not saying that you have to do everything being told to you, but at least listen, and reflect on what they have to say. I never understood why we are so quick to oust our girlfriends once we find a man. Your girl has heard every complaint from your family drama, to how expensive car insurance is, down to all of the men you have dated and did not work out with. Why is it that as soon as we get a man that seems promising, that part of our lives is now off limits?

Three quick stories: 1) a friend of mine recently got into a relationship. I have been present through dating situations with her in the past, but with this one, her lips are completely sealed. I actually remember her saying that he told her “it’s probably not a good idea to tell your friends everything” (rolls eyes). 2) I was talking to someone the other day, and they said “people know not to tell me anything about this person. My friends and family know that if they want a relationship with me, that conversation is dead.” 3) a friend was clearly being set up to be ghosted by the man she had been dating. I warned her of this, and she told me that their relationship was different, and he would never do that. He had to be hurt or sick because he told her he wanted to be with her, and he would never just ghost her.

First of all, I swear my skin crawled with all three of these stories! What in the hell type of baby back bull is this? (God is still working on me) In the first situation, that would have been a red flag to me. You are just meeting me, and you already have advice on how to handle my friends? Hmm…sounds like you have been in a situation previously where the friends may have had some opinions about you. Ladies, please be aware of men that like to dismiss your friends. He may be wonderful for now, but trust me, there is a reason his tactic is to keep you quiet. When you do, you trust your heart, and act accordingly. What does the Bible say about your heart? Glad you asked boo! It says, “the heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked. Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) As far as the second scenario, your friends and family have no reason to tell you something hurtful just because. I am pretty sure they do not have that much time on their hands. If they are telling you something in reference to that person, it is because they can see what you cannot. You know that feeling of butterflies you get when you are with him? That is all of your sense leaving your body! Listen to those that still have theirs. The third situation flat out angered me because just as I said, he was trying to ghost her. Since she called a million times and he was obviously an amateur, he went ahead and contacted her after two days, telling her that he had been ignoring her because he met someone else, and wanted to pursue that person. I am sure you all know she called me distraught after that text message from him. Of the three stories, the third truly opened my eyes to the fact that we women can be an open book, and talk about loving each other and sisterhood, as long as a man is not involved. As soon as we are discussing a man, everyone switches to defense.

Since I like to go to the Word, here is our main focus for this post– “Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). I tell my best friend, daily, that we do life together with our backs facing each other. Why? Because as long as our backs are facing each other, we can cover all angles. There is nothing that can get to either of us, without the other one seeing it first. I know that it is HARD out here in the dating world. I get that we are getting older, and it seems as if there is not much quality left to choose from; However, is this really what life has come to? We are so desperate to hold onto a man, that we question our friends? I use to be guilty of this very thing. I have distanced myself from friends in the past because I deemed them “haters” or “negative,” when really, they saw what I could not see. Once I woke up, I vowed to never fall into that again.

Bottom line is, if you feel like you have to question your friends’ motives, you need new friends. If you feel like you are questioning them because you do not want to lose this man, you need an inner makeover. Why are you so afraid of losing this man, that you are willing to lose your friends, and subsequently yourself, in order to keep him? As an adult, you should know the difference between a friend and acquaintance. I am speaking of a friend! Someone who has proven their love and loyalty to you, and who uplifts you daily. My best friend makes me better on every level. That is how I know that if she tells me something is not right with a man, I need to open my eyes and ears to be on watch for what she said. If I just told you she makes me better on every level, I have to allow my love life to be included. Real friends are like the Waze app. When you use Waze as a navigation tool, it will tell you, “hazard reported ahead.” You may not actually see the hazard for a few miles, but you are anticipating it because the app told you it would be there.

Do the same with your friends. Trust them. They have spent years getting to know you. A new person should not be able to come before that, I don’t care how wonderful they are. Let’s do a better job at trusting our girls. That, is true sisterhood!

Let me pray for you:

Lord, we are your daughters. Help us to be like sisters to one another. Take away the fear that lives in us, keeping us holding onto someone who is not the right one for us. Teach us how to be good friends to each another. Open our hearts to the wisdom and enlightenment that you send to us through relationship with others. We ask this through your son Jesus’ name. Amen.

xoxo my loves

About the author: Janea Dillon

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